im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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