if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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