you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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