the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
