I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
