Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
