I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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