wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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