matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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