am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
