i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
