This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
