i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
