God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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