The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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