We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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