life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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