You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
