Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Vodka?
Forever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
