How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
