Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
