i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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