it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
