some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
