would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize