Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
