He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
