I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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