He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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