no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
