Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
