there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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