You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
