This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
