Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
