if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
