Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize