omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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