Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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