so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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