I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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