Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
