So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
