The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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