I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
