I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize