I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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