Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
