Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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