I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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