So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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