Having a random hookup so left but love u
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
