how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
