Don't you send me to vm
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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