dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize