I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
