where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
