Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
