Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
