Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
