dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
