Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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