last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My ass is underappreciated
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
