FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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